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Roman Orthodox Patriarchate of Simpson, PA
Founder(s) Himself
Autocephaly/Autonomy declared 1975
Autocephaly/Autonomy recognized Not ever, by no one.
Current primate His Unholiness the Most Irreverend Episcopus Vagans ASDamick
Headquarters Simpson, Pennsylvania
Primary territory His Apartment
Possessions abroad Guam, Virginia, Ohio, New York, North Carolina
Liturgical language(s) Middle English
Musical tradition Byzantine chant
Calendar Wait... there's a calendar?
Population estimate 2
Official website Andrew

Where can I join? I tried to go to their website, but couldn't find anything, unless this means that you're not starting your own church :-) Fr. John

You've found my secret lab, I see. You realize, of course, that this means you'll have to be taken care of, "Byzantine style." --Rdr. Andrew

I'll have my people talk to your people and we'll work something out :-). Fr. John

When's your next primatial visit to Guam? --magda

We shall visit our eparchy of Guam when the insubordinate clergy there desist in their resistance against our Apostolic and most Autocephalous jurisdictionality. If, as sheep must heed the call of their shepherd, they hearken unto the voice of their God-protected Primate, we shall extend our fatherly love to them and send them back their most beloved wonder-working piece of coral reef. In the meantime, anathema maranatha! --Rdr. Andrew